I’ll start by saying my sons mean the world to me. Every sacrifice I’ve made in motherhood was and still is to create a life I never had, but also positioning myself to raise conscious children. My goal has been to be in their lives more and I’m grateful that I’ve been able to accomplish this. I became a single mother when my oldest son, Jordan was 2 and my youngest, Jt was about 8 months. It was tough, but it’s either you sink or swim in the real world kids or not. I just knew I never wanted my children to be raised with me barely ever being in their lives. At the time, I was only 23 and didn’t have a clue of how I would survive. Nevertheless, I worked hard, succeeded, failed, got back up and succeeded again. It’s a part of the journey. Some people are afraid to fail and hinder themselves. It’s about understanding who we are and making sacrifices to become stronger. To never give up on the life we deserve.
If I could go back and change one thing as a mother, I would take back having my children so close in age. My boys are 2 years and 3 months and some days apart. To some this might be a good age, but as a single parent, it wasn’t the best decision. I love the relationship my sons have and always have, but when they are so close in age, I’ve learned that one tends to grow up a little faster than the other. When a child is born, they should enjoy being a child. They should be able to get their parents’ love and affection whenever they need it or when they want it. When babies are born so close in age, the oldest baby has no choice but to be a little stronger, a little more mature and understanding. When I think back, it was unfair, because when children are brought into this world, they didn’t ask for it. It’s a decision the parent made. So is it fair to the child? Of course not.
When this happens, the oldest child is left out. It doesn’t mean that this baby is loved less. It just means that it’s challenging trying to balance between a toddler and infant. We know infants are more needy, and toddlers are a little more independent. But when they are in these stages, no matter the age, I realized they need all of their parents love, affection, shared moments and happiness. No child likes feeling as if they aren’t as important as their sibling.
How was I able to overcome this downfall and fix it? I began spending time with my oldest when his little brother was napping. I spent quality time with my son. We laughed, played with his toys, tucked him in more often, and did exactly what I needed to do to get to know him better. I also created a life around my sons. I knew I needed to make a living, so I worked opportunities into our lives. To this day, my youngest is very bold and have no problem sitting in my lap, crawling in my bed and shows the world that he adores his mother. Every sacrifice I’ve made was to create the life we have today. Today, I can spend time with my sons. If I needed to work, I can take them with me. If I couldn’t take them, I’ll be away for a few hours versus the 8-12 hour work days.
Whether you are single mother or not, the first 7 years of a child’s life are the most important. It will determine who they will be for the rest of their lives. Position yourself cherish life with the ones you love.